4 years ago, I fell in love with someone from my college and it was a really special moment of my life. She was tall, funny, smart, and honestly quite good looking to be with. All I wanted was to be with her and spend almost all my time with her. I thought, I finally understood all the fuss about the teenager’s commotion.
I know, this all sounds like a one-true fairy tale, where nothing can go wrong, but it wasn’t as easy for me to finally accept my identity as a lesbian and tell my parents who I was. Coming out, irrespective of your gender, can never be an easy task. So, I’ll try to tell my story in a way that it feels heart-warming yet inspirational for all those struggling with the same issue. So, let’s start with the beginning.
I wasn’t the most rebellious kid in my family and neither I aspired to be one. I was always this quiet and shy kid, who loved to be in her own world of fantasy. My first lesbian attraction towards my girl crush in college started on our trip to Goa. Although I don’t like beaches, the trip was a last minute decision added my older brother. Common things like friendships, new beginnings, camaraderie, and relaxation were at the forefront of my mind. But above all, I was curious to explore my innermost feelings.
First few days, to be honest, were kind of lethargic as we spent most of the time in settling down. As days went by, all of us started feeling the friendship bond rising between us. And as we grew more close, we started sharing our personal life. At that time, just like every other conceited teenager, I didn’t know much about my sexual orientation but I always knew that I had less interest in making guy friends since school.
On our last day of the trip, we were on our way towards the infamous Dona-Paula beach, when it happened. A friend of mine introduced me to her and I can definitely say it was an attraction if not love at first sight. I knew I felt something different but just couldn’t understand this at that point. After some few awkward interactions and late-night talks, I knew I was in love with someone of the same sex.
Like all fairy tales, we too had to face reality, and make our parents understand about our different nature. I always thought coming out was like a police interrogation, just imagine sitting in a living room with orthodox parents, my brother and I on one side, and they on the other side staring right through your soul. The moment I decided to tell them about my newly found life, I was taken aback by the news of my marriage flashing through their mouth. I could see the passion in their eyes and how badly they wanted me to get married to this IITian guy. I felt closer to telling them the truth but I refrained myself from breaking their hearts.
An oppressive layer of cloud descended and engulfed all my dreams of a perfect life in an instant. My mental health worsened, grades plummeted and social life vanished. After completing my graduation and over a year going through mental torture that happened after we broke up, I knew that I have to come out of the social stigma. After some months of planning, I finally garnered the courage and came out in front of my parents through a letter. When I handed over the letter, I knew that nothing could be changed, but finally, I was free from the exhausting and ghastly pain. I realized something crucial that night- Speaking out the truth can empower us in the long run.
My parents, though initially snapped at me, grew supportive of me. And I know that my precious family loves me unconditionally. Now, I am safe and a proud woman, who looks forward to making the most of her life. I am also an active member of an LGBTQ community to spread love across the country.