How to React to a Proposal from a Member of the LGBT+ Community

A common question when it comes to proposals in the LGBT+ community is this, “is an LGBT+ proposal the same as a straight couple’s proposal?” Well, the answer to that question is yes and no! You may be wondering how this is so. Looking at it from the aspect of marriage proposals, the general truth is that love is love. A marriage proposal is a huge event in a couple’s journey together and it takes one to have gotten to a certain level of love and assurance to want to spend the rest of their life with another person. In this regard, it is the same for all couples; straight or LGBT+. However, every proposal differs on an individual level. The build-up to the proposal, the background of the couple, method of the proposal and so many other things surrounding the proposal circumstances make it unique in its own right. LGBT couples might have some circumstances in common separately from straight couples owing to their peculiar struggles but in the end, everyone’s individual experience of a proposal is different but the concept is the same for both straight and LGBT+ couples. 

Looking at it from the aspect of a date or relationship proposal, although the concept of asking a person on a date or to be in a relationship with you is largely the same concept irrespective of the people involved, however, the proposal can take different dimensions based on individual circumstances. 

That being said, this article is not a guide to proposals but rather answers the question that pops into a lot of people’s heads when they are proposed to – ‘OMG! What do I do, how do I react?!’ While it might seem like an unreasonable question to ask yourself, I mean just say yes or no, right? No. It’s not that simple. Whether or not you are going to accept a proposal, your reaction matters for a variety of reasons. A bad reaction could ruin your relationship with the person asking or turn the proposal into a dramatic mess. If you are a third-party witness to an LGBT proposal, a reaction of acceptance and encouragement will do a whole lot of good to the community than an opposite reaction. How then do you react if you are the one proposed to? The moment you are asked; the answers in your head can either be a yes or a no. The second it’s a maybe, it’s a no that point but it is okay to take your time to consider whether or not you want the person in your life as a romantic partner or spouse. The question now is how to phrase your yes, no, or maybe and your general reaction to the proposal.

Tips on how to react to a member of the LGBT community’s

Relationship proposal:

1. If you have already been considering this person for a while even before they proposed it to you then chances are that you’ve already considered the pros and cons and you can give them a straight answer when they ask. You must be honest with them in answering the question.
2. If you are going to say ‘yes’ you should communicate it in a way that is genuine so that it doesn’t sound like you’re being forced or doing it out of pity. Be excited and express your pleasure at the idea of being with them. A phrase such as ‘I would love to’ with a smile or an emoji if you are replying over text is sufficient to convey the right emotion.
3. If, however, you have already considered the person and you want to turn the person down, you must be careful in doing so. You should be honest, state your response clearly and the reason for your response but do not be careless to avoid being offensive or rude.
4. If for example you are straight and a gay man proposes a relationship to you, you might be in a conundrum as to how to appropriately respond, you can state your reason for turning them down and be straightforward with saying ‘no’ in order not to send mixed signals. You can tell them you don’t identify with their sexual orientation without any prejudice. Avoid being judgmental or confrontational and if you have any personal opinions about their sexual orientation, it is probably best you keep it to yourself. 
5. If you are not sure and would need more time to consider, you might need to ask them for more information about themselves or go on a few more dates. It’s okay to be in this boat, as long as you make it clear that there are still certain factors you would need to consider or more information you need about them to be able to decide if the relationship would be of benefit to the both of you.
6. If you are saying yes, remember that you need to make sure you are going into the relationship on the same terms. For example, you might be looking for exclusivity while they might not be, they might also have certain circumstances owing to their gender orientation or identity which they expect you to already know or expect but which you are oblivious to. In accepting the proposal, you should lay this all out to start the relationship on solid grounds.

Marriage Proposal:

1. Marriage proposals tend to be emotional and you might not be able to plan your reaction depending on the circumstances and how much of an emotional person you are. A genuine emotional reaction to a marriage proposal is fine – as long as it is not a negative reaction. It is okay to sob, blush, shout for joy, and all that. But it is not okay to get violent. You must try to control your emotions so that they do not get the best for you. A good rule of thumb is to take deep breaths without speaking at first if you feel overwhelmed. 
2. On the other hand, if you are not the overly emotional type and you can comport yourself with a suitable premeditated or coordinated reaction, then the things you should try not to do include cursing, walking out, or trying to make a joke which ends up ruining the whole thing and leaving you and your partner very embarrassed. It is best to keep it simple and genuine. To keep yourself in check you might want to consider a reaction that will not make your proposal video end up being the viral bizarre proposal reaction video for days on social media.
3. ‘No’ could very much be your answer and as stated earlier, if the answer that comes to your mind is ‘maybe’, it likely means that you are not ready and should say no. However, in this instance, you must tell your partner that you do not want to end the relationship but you are just not ready to commit to marriage or you need more time to think about it. In turning the person down, politeness demands that you try to save the person the humiliation of making the rejection public except it is unavoidable.

In general, if the relationship or marriage proposal is from an unwelcome person, give them a firm ‘no’ and do not bother explaining your stance on the issue. Keep your distance from them and tell someone about it. A very important point to consider in your reaction to a proposal from a member of the LGBT+ community is how your reaction will impact the community. Your reaction could become a trendsetter if made public or it could reflect badly on the community and lead to outcry or persecution for the community. With this article, you will be guided on how best to react to a proposal from a member of the LGBT+ community and even non-members of the community.